The government has funded a study to determine why the head of a man’s penis is wider than its shaft. The study took 2 years and cost millions. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is wider was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.After the results were published, another team of researchers decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the first study were incorrect.
After three years of research and a few more million, they concluded that the head of a man’s penis is wider than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of this second study were released, yet another team of researchers decided to conduct their own study. They didn’t really trust the first or the second groups’ methods.
So after nearly three whole days of intensive research and at the cost of a bottle of lotion, a few porno mags, and a box of tissue, the third study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head of a man’s penis is wider than its shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
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I always thought this joke was cute — the image of some poor fellow smacking himself in the head mid-wank always makes me giggle. But all joking aside, have you ever seriously thought about why practically every man’s penis has a flared corona of the glans? Go ahead take a moment.
Back? Did you come up with any good ideas? Let’s see how your ideas compare with what real researchers came up with.
First, let’s start things off simply — our engineers are going to love this part — as many of you have probably noticed, the penis makes a pretty awesome piston. In fact, with that fancy, “mushroom cap” flared glans, the penis makes an excellent suction piston. Now I know what you’re going to say, “sure that’s pretty darn cool, but what’s so great about having a penis that works as a suction piston?”
Well, how about if you were taking part in an orgy and wanted to make sure that the girl you’re about to deposit your man-pudding inside doesn’t have anyone else’s pudding in your way? I mean, theoretically, the less competition your boys have, the better chance you have of propagating your genes, right? And that’s how our bodies were designed, trying to give us the best chances for obtaining immortality through our offspring. Even if you forget about the orgy idea and just think about getting anything in a vagina out of your way: particles, old cells, juices, etc – a suction piston is pretty good for that sort of thing.
So, to make this all work, we need two things: those fancy flared penis heads and some nice deep thrusting. Thrusting in and out feels great, but it also serves another important role – while a fella is thrusting in and out of his partner’s little love hole, his flared glans is effectively removing any material that could ruin his chances of having his sperm win the race to her egg, be it another man’s seminal pool or whatever other material.
With every inward thrust, the blunt end of the penis head pushes through any leftover semen, flowback or mucous left in the vagina before he got there *squish*. When he pulls back, any material that ended up getting squished behind the edge of the penis’ flared head will be pulled backwards and out of the vagina with the penis. Also, anything left in front of the head will be sucked further down because of the suction created, ready to be pushed and pulled out on the next thrust *shlurp*.
Of course these are all just researchers’ hypotheses; educated guesses, but guesses none the less – or at least they were, until a team over at the University at Albany decided to test them using a realistic fake penis and vagina (imagine being the research assistant who walked into the local sex toy shop to buy those two articles of lab equipment?!)
To test how well a penis’ flared head would actually remove material from a vagina, the researchers squirted a couple tablespoons of a cornstarch and water mixture deep inside the realistic fake vagina and then thrust the realistic fake penis inside. It turns out that the coronal ridge in fact does an amazing job pulling out deposited fluid from the vagina - the first deep thrust and withdrawal got rid of more than 90 per cent of the mixture!
So, the more you thrust, the cleaner your partner’s vagina gets and the less competition will be around for your sperm. Your penis-suction piston also works great for keeping your sexing well lubricated because the coronal ridge will pull down juices being produced deeper inside – as ‘ol Sue always says, more lube is always a good thing. And it turns out that the flared head of a penis is a pretty darn good thing, too – much more useful than for just keeping guys from smacking themselves in the face.
P.S. Anyone who was thinking that they might be able to use this as a birth control method, should avoid physical intimacy with others - this would NOT be an effective way to stop your girlfriend from getting pregnant and will NOT protect anyone from catching an STI or worse – no matter how much thrusting you try.
From
Imprint Online
30-09-2008, 12:17
Thrusting your way to a clean vagina
but come on millions spent on wondering why a guys head is wider than the shaft....
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