General DiscussionGet a nice cuppa, sit in your favourite chair and let yourself go in this general off topic forum. Discuss all your normal daily stuff here, share funny videos and pictures, rant about the weather and much more.
Being in the technical field in the past i have had these kind of calls, the following are old, and you have probably seen them before but you read them and giggle anyway......
My husband works with computers and is frequently called upon to answer questions regarding hardware and software. One day he came home from work lamenting the "unbelievable" stupid questions that people ask. On this particular day, someone had called to ask him where the "any" key was located on the keyboard. My husband was stunned and then asked the caller what he meant. The voice on the other end IMPATIENTLY replied, " YOU KNOW...the ANY key...when it says, "Press Any Key!"
I used to work as a technical support analyst for a large computer corporation and I got lots of stupid people who called with stupid questions, wondering why their computers weren't working. One of the best ones was a lady who called from her office one day, and she said her screen was black. I asked her if the computer was turned on, she said that it was. It almost confused me, but I'm used to working with stupid people, so I asked her to make sure it was on by checking the power switches and to make sure it was plugged in. She told me that she couldn't do that because the power was down in the building she worked in and it was too dark to see.
Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech Support: 'Tell me what you've done.'
Customer: 'I typed 'A:SETUP'.'
Tech Support: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer: 'It says '$PC manufacturer! Restore and Recovery disk'.'
Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer: 'What?'
Tech Support: 'Did you buy MS word?'
Customer 'No...'
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'What type of computer do you have?'
Customer: 'A white one.'
The customer was using release 1 of Windows 95, and I was using Windows 98, so I had to ask her a question about what her Explorer window looked like:
Tech Support: 'Up at the top it says File, Edit, and View. What does it say just to the right of View?'
Customer: 'Edit.'
Tech Support: 'No, to the right of View.'
Customer: 'Edit.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, what's on the other side of View?'
Customer: 'Oh, Tools.'
Tech Support: 'Click your left mouse button.'
Customer: 'Which one is that?'
Tech Support: 'Well, you know your left from your right, so click
the button on your left.'
Customer: 'Oh.'
Tech Support: 'What happened?'
Customer: 'Nothing.'
Tech Support: 'You did click the left mouse button?'
Customer: 'I think so.'
Tech Support: 'The one on your left?'
Customer: 'Which one was that again?'
Customer: 'I'm having a problem installing your software. I've
got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says
is 'Bad command or filename'.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, check the directory of the A: drive -- go to
A:and type'dir'.'
Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: 'All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL'again.'
Customer: 'Ok.' (pause) 'Still says 'Bad command or file name'.'
Tech Support: 'Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place --
it can'thelp but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L andhitting the Enter key?'
Customer: 'Yes, let me try it again.' (pause) 'Nope, still 'Badcommand
orfile name'.'
Tech Support: (now really confused) 'Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?
Customer: 'Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the'M' key...does that matter?'
Not that long ago I heard something simular...
someone had to install new software on an industrial printer which still works with those floppy discs.
It were 12 discs which you had to insert one after the other...
She said (yes it was a girl and one with a university degree ) it didn't worked.
She wanted to place them all at once into the floppy drive without removing the previous one.
So place them into the opening one after the other so that in the end all 12 would be in it...
offcourse that didn't worked >.<
Also one of my collegues his printer didn't worked. He called a technician who wasn't happy with the call...
The technician made a 2 hour drive to come and look at the problem... The plug was inserted into such a plug box...
but that plug box was not inserted on the electric net >.< hehe
Best one ive had this year, (i might even have posted it here when it was left originally) left on my voicemail
"Hi, im with the department, and its not working, you f**k. I dunno what happened but its you, its your fault and its all gone. I hate you you b*****rd, why arent you in, i need you to fix it, its totally broken and i need help with it now, f**ks sake, answer the phone, i know youre there and itll only take you 2 mins to fix it, come on f**k i need this now, please, oh ok, i guess you arent there, can you call me back and help me fix it when you get in. I hope its f**king fast, i really do, or you'll be sorry."
I now use it as my out going message.
I still dont know who left it, or what was broken.
Best one ive had this year, (i might even have posted it here when it was left originally) left on my voicemail
"Hi, im with the department, and its not working, you f**k. I dunno what happened but its you, its your fault and its all gone. I hate you you b*****rd, why arent you in, i need you to fix it, its totally broken and i need help with it now, f**ks sake, answer the phone, i know youre there and itll only take you 2 mins to fix it, come on f**k i need this now, please, oh ok, i guess you arent there, can you call me back and help me fix it when you get in. I hope its f**king fast, i really do, or you'll be sorry."
I now use it as my out going message.
I still dont know who left it, or what was broken.
oooo i'd love to get one of those, then play it back to said caller, watch them cringe, and then say after all those insults you want me to fix it............ no
one i remember is being called because they could not get a modem to work. They were in the room with the modem I was in another building entirly on the phone to them.
Me: is the modem plugged in.
User: I dont know, how do I tell?
Me:The red light will show on the front if the power is on.
User: Ok i dont think its switched on, i cant see a red light anywhere.
Me: ok can you check if it is switched on at the plug.
User: erm..... I can't see its behind the cabinet.
Me: can you reach behind the cabinet and switch the plug socket on?
User: I think so, how will I know if its the right switch.
Me: (sighing internally) the red light will come on on the modem
User: there is no red light on the modem, I told you that already.
Me: No, you need to switch the modem on at the wall for it to work.
User: oh, just a minute then........
(pause for 2-3 mins while various crashing noises are heard)
User: ok I did that did you see the red light?
Me: erm no im on the phone to you ......
User: yes but did the red light come on when I switched on the plug as there are about 5 sockets.
Me: I cant see the red light im on the end of the phone in another building.
User: oh just a minute then.
(pause while more noise and a bit of cursing)
User: i switched on all the plugs i could find is the modem working now?
Me: Is there a red light on the modem?
User: yes I can see 3 red lights now, have i turned on the right socket.
oh and another one was when they first decided to give out credit card shaped CD's with messsages on them. Must have had 10-15 calls asking why the computer wouldnt read them and that they were stuck in the drive. The A: drive
oh and while I remember here is one I got just this week.
BACKGROUND : we just changed our mail server from BRAINS to TRACY ( thunderbird theme ) and this particular user couldn't get his e-mail.
User: my email has an error message.
Me: what does it say?
User: work offline or cancel.
Me: ahh thats your mail account that needs changing thats easy for you to fix ( how wrong was I )
User: oh great how do I fix that then.
Me: click cancel and close exchange down.
User: ok it says work offline or cancel.
Me: click cancel please.
User: ok
Me: right click your outlook icon and choose properties.
User: it says work offline or cancel.
Me: did you click cancel?
User: not yet, should I do that now?
Me: yes then right click microsoft outlook.
( several more attempts got him to the e-mail configureation page )
Me: OK now type tracy into the exchange server box. Thats T..R..A..C..Y and then type the first 4 letters of your surname into the name box and click "check name".
User: Its giving me an error message but if i keep going it carrys on.
Me: ok, has your name appeared underlined in the name box.
User: No....
Me: ok I will pop over and check it out as you seem to have a bit more of a problem than I initially thought.
User: ok thankyou.
(walk over to the offices)
User: I fixed it
Me: oh? what was the problem.
User oh my collegue said told me i was typing tracy wrong i was putting tracey
I think it's the intelligent ones that can't work computers really after much experience with some of them. Also my Dad's girlfriends works as one of those people who trains employees to use a computer. Well she works for the NHS and she can safely says that Doctors and Nurses know nothing about computers. There is probably the odd exception but she hasn't met many of them O.O
I read somewhere that they brought out computers which have a button on keyboards which actually says 'ANY' on them.
The Thursday giggle
Linear Mode
