General DiscussionGet a nice cuppa, sit in your favourite chair and let yourself go in this general off topic forum. Discuss all your normal daily stuff here, share funny videos and pictures, rant about the weather and much more.
I might add that these are not my own and i've certainly never used them all, although some of them are pretty damn good if you can pick them out.
Some of these are crap, some are crude, some will get you slapped, kicked in the nuts or a drink spilled on you, some may if your lucky get you laid.
If your easily offended leave the thread now!
Flattery:
(Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
Baby,you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you."
Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren't you?
I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Just where do those legs of yours end?
Let's take a shower together -- you smell.
Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you.
Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
You are the reason men fall in love.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You should be someone's wife.
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.
Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!
If you have a chance to become anything on earth what would you want to become?" [the answer] you: " well to me, I want to be your tear drop: I was born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
Baby, you so flat you make the walls jealous.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
I bet you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
I bet you could suck Lincoln's head off a penny.
Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
Are you wearing space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.
Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.
Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy: I looked at you and dropped mine.
Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the ****!
There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
Your dad must have been ******ed, 'cuz you are special.
Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
Presents the person with a single rose and say: "I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are."
I betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.
If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Super Bowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
Where's your paper bag? (What?) Your paper bag to put over your head. (Excuse me?) It's dangerous for someone like you to be out in public with all of these horny people around. Don't worry, I'll protect you.
When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
Has anyone ever told you that you have Scandinavian hands? (Uh, no.) No, of course not, that would be an incredibly stupid thing to say, wouldn't it?
Excuse me miss... Is your face so messed up because you fell from heaven.
Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Do you go the ocean much? 'Cause you smell like the CLAM!
Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
I'm sorry, but, have we met before? (No.) Oh, I'm sorry, I guess that it must have been your mom.
Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
You're a babe, right? Haven't you seen the film?
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
Even though the ugly lights are shining bright, you still look beautiful.
There aren't enough "O"'s in the word "smooth" to describe how smooth you are.
This is incredible. This is the first time that this has ever happened to us. (What?) Each one of my 27 personalities found you cute!
If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.
Wow, you have some sweet birthin' hips.
(Walk up to them and touch them) Thank God, I thought that you were only an illusion(mirage).
If beauty were a grain of sand, you'd be a million beaches.
Is that your date, or did your brother get a new dress?
You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
That's a nice watch [Thank you] Actually, that's a nice dress. [Again, thank you] Come to think of it, everything is nice on you.
Did the Lord steal the thunder from the skies and put them in your thighs?
Are those implants?
Are you a bird collector? 'Cause you've got a nice set of tits.
Excuse me, is that your perfume that you are wearing?
How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.
I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Person: What are you doing?!?!? You: Sorry, taking a bite out of
crime. Person: WHAT?!?!? You: Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
You are a 9.9999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
When God made you, he was showing off.
(Bump into someone) If I knew how hot you were I would have
grabbed your ass instead of bumping into you.
Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?
Hey, don't frown - you'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.
If all the stars in the sky were summed, not even words that many times stronger than "beautiful" could ever be used to describe you.
You're so hot, I bet you could light a candel at 10 paces.
How much did it cost? (What?) The surgery that made you so hot!
Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
If you were a laser gun, you'd be set on stunning.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porshe.
The drink: £2. The room: £100. The night with you?: Priceless.
Listen to this: my buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful boy/girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
Have you seen my enormous jar of "Penis Reducing Cream"?
You know at this angle as the lights hit your eyes [start fixing hair] I can see myself and I look great." Then smile, and sheepishly say "just kidding."
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
You wet? I'd bet you are after looking at me.
You're so fine, I'd suck your daddy's dick just to get some of where that came from.
I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?
Hey baby, you've got somthing on your butt: my eyes.
This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.
Are those your breasts or are they Siamese Watermelons?
I don't know you, but I think I love you already.
You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
Walk up and say, "Yes?" "What?" "Oh, my
friend told me that you wanted to make out with me because I'm the finest thing you have seen all night."
Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.
You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
Ok, quick, you go in the toilets and get me some condoms and meet me back here in five minutes... In the meantime I'll go and get you some breath mints...
You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 30.
Scientists call me a medical miracle.
[You] Here are my keys [Other] Why? [You] Here's the key to my house, my car,...and my heart.
You had better direct that beauty and femininity somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
Pardon me, I don't mean to make a pass, but you must be leavin' the country if you're packin' that much ass.
Why is it that every time you are around, my pants feel tighter?
When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.
Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
Fat Penguin. WHAT? I just thought I'd say something to break the ice.
You know that I think about you only twice a day? Once when my eyes are open, and once when they are closed.
You're so flat, I don't know if you're walking forwareds or backwards.
Two words explain me when I'm not with you. Jergens Lotion.
Baby, you must be a **** because you give out more ass than a donkey dealership.
How much do you cost? I've got a dollar, how much change would I get back?
If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...
Is that a fox on your shoulder, or am I seeing double?
Will you be my derivative? I'll be the area under your curves.
If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
Do you like pool, cause I've got the balls if you've got the rack. (or vice versa)
Damn, Sugar, settle down. I'm diabetic.
You need $20 and a friend. Give friend the $20. Walk up to target. Friend says, "You're right. Those are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." Hands you the $20 and walks away.
So last night I had the same dream over and over - always the same thing,
but in a different location every time. I kept dreaming that I was asking you out, but every time before you answered, I woke up, and I'm dying to know what your answer was.
Tonight, you know you will be sitting on your bed and you will be holding your pillow close to your chest and wish it were me pressing against your chest.
From across the bare you looked a little on the heavy side, but as you got closer I noticed you were ugly too!
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
(If s/he is looking at you)You know, my mother always told me it was impolite to stare... so what do you say we dance?
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
See these keys? Ya like em? I wish I had the one to your heart.
Excuse me I have a problem and I wonder if you can help me? (O.K. I'll see what I can do. What is your problem?) I have every S.T.D. in the book except for one and I think you can give it to me!
Hey baby. I'm single. Do you believe that ****?
Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
Is that shirt Camel Skin? 'Cause I'm checkin' out your humps!
You could make a glass eye cry...
I think that your attractive and simply amazing from what I've seen so far. Can I get your number and meet your personality.
All the other girls are just rough Drafts .... but i think you are the FINAL COPY!!
Are you a hands-on-learner? Because I am, and I'd like to learn about you...
Way to go God!!!
If God had a refrigerator, a picture of you would be on it.
Your voice sounds like sandpaper grated over a cheese grater.
I bet your name is Jesus, because you look like you came from heaven!
You don't look too bad, I'm guessing you only got hit once in the face with that sack of nickels, right?
*****, give me some of that disease!
You look so hot that I could cook rice on you!
You're hotter than donut grease.
You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don’t need it after all.
A thousand painters working for a thousand years could not create a beauty that equals you.
Did you know its a felony in this state to look that good, but if you turn around I'll let you off with a warning.
If you were on hotornot.com, I would give you a ten.
There are only two beautiful girls in the world, and you are both of them.
Your good looks don't intimidate me. (Walk away)
If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.
Your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl.
Baby, you're so hot, you make the North Pole look like the equator.
You're so hot, I'd better smother you with my body before you burst into flame!
To The Point:
Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
Do you take it up the ass?
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Excuse me, have I ****ed you yet?
Excuse me. Do you want to **** or should I apologize?
Fancy a ****?
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
**** me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
**** me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
**** me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
**** me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a ****... (wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a ****? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!
Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
Hey baby, wanna go halves on a *******?
Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
Hey baby, what doyou say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just practice?
Hi, I'm a tawdry **** looking for a good time.
Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna ****?
Hi, wanna ****? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?
I am a magical being, take off your bra.
I love you. I want to marry you. Now **** my brains out.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles *****!
I'd like to tie you to a rafter and **** you up and down.
I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
Let's bypass all the bull**** and just get naked.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
Nice shoes, wanna ****?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
NOW, *****!
Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
Take off that dress and **** my brains out, you cave newt.
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to **** you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Wanna **** like bunnies?
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and ****.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Your face or MINE!?
Your place or mine?
I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day long!
Let's go get liquored up and rape each other.
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
Chick do now.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Nice legs, lets eat out.
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the **** outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a penis.
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
Show me your pussy!
Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming.
If I take off my clothes, will you **** me?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you **** me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches.
I know where there is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
Dah, wanna see my dink?
(silently mouth) I want a fig newton.
Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one?
Your chest looks a little sore. Would you like me to numb it?
Do you wanna lick my tongue?
Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?
Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and **** the **** out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? (Yes.) Suck my dick, it's a gem.
Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I'll owe you one.
Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice.
Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out?
Tell me how my cum tastes.
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
I've got a great big ****!
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I like Spaghetti, Let's go ****!
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
Do you cheesy lines or do you just want to do it?
May i pleasure you with my tongue?
Wanna go 50-50 on a rape charge?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
(walk up to the bar and sit down in the seat next to them. While looking at them, order a drink and drink it down) Well, we can't **** here!
**** me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
Hi I'm (your name) I swallow
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Mines bigger than his want proof?
I got a 14 inch ****, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride it.
You are rubber, I'm glue, what ever you say, I bet I will **** you.
Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and **** you for glory.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
I would **** you so hard, you'd learn from it.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place.
Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later.
Do you have any tacos on you? (No.) In that case, will you make out with me?
Would you **** a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is...
Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
Hi. Last night, a little leprechaun came up to me and told me that if you don't have sex with me tonight, your(or my) dick is going to fall off. We don't want that now do we?
I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first participant?
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
Let's go **** in a brand new limo.
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna ****?
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "**** it".
love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?
Nice ****ing weather. Want to?
Wanna ****, or should I call my lawyer?
Hi, my name is Guerrermo. I eat pussy like a woman.
You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under...
I'm not a ****, I'm just popular. Wanna **** me and be the Big Man on Campus?
You know, you really **** me off. You are the most disgusting ***** I have ever seen. Absolutely disgraceful. Wanna suck my hairy balls?
You -will- go home with me tonight.
I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you?
Do you know what part of the tongue registers the "salty taste? Why don't you blow me and find out?
Excuse me, but I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell "RUN".
Can you lick your nipples? [No.] Can I?
Alright, let's go... I'll give you a half hour.
I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off.
(put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up) Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your handup) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave yourhand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
You've been a bad, bad girl(boy). Go to my room!
Ever slept in a \\$5000 bed? Want to?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
I'm hard. You wet?
I'm a necrophiliac... How well do you play dead?
If you won't **** me, can I **** you?
I'm rubber, your glue. Let's have sex.
I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help....
You're dead sexy. Get in my pussy!
I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
The Lord gave us the power to ****. So, let's go have sex!
If I was a chipmunk, and you were a bunny,...wait, or was it the other way around...forget it, Wanna screw?
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin.
What do I have to do to be your booty call?
If you talk to me, I'll **** you.
Do you believe in free love? (Certainly no!) Then how much do you cost?
I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later.
(Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself.
Hey baby, I'll **** you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Thanks for the blow job last night. (What blow job? I didn't give you one.) You didn't? You owe me one.
Let's go to your place and love each other until my dick falls in your pussy.
I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.
Do you train cats? (No, why?) Because you just made my pussy cum!
Want to make a ****o? We don't have to tape it.
Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me. And really, who can blame you with a gorgeous face like this. So can I snatch a kiss or vice-versa (that is kiss a snatch).
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
I've got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?
Hi, I'm a representative for Joe Boxer. I'm doing a survey on which brand guys prefer leaving in the corner of the room while having wild sex.
Do you wanna go back to my place, ****, then never speak again? I do.
Ahoy there fair maiden, might I trouble thee for a fisting?
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give.
I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out?
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just ****.
I'd like to sit and suck on what's hiding behind your zipper.
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna **** you.
You know, looking at you right now, in this light... I could **** you.
try me once and if you don't like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It'd be more if you want foreplay.
I'm afraid of getting pregnant. Want go up to my room and test all of my condoms?
So do you ****, suck and take it up the ass or am I wasting my time on a Jesus freak?
Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me?
Grab your jacket, you've scored. Let's go.
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She'd like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning.
Hey baby! Wanna play superheroes? I'll be Superman and **** you faster than a speeding bullet.
When we are all done ****ing each other silly and licking each other beyond reason - at that point it's such a good time neither one of us wants the night to end - you are not gonna think I'm gay, are you?
Sniff....Sniff... I smell that you are in season, want to breed?
Life is short. Let's **** and see if there is anything after that.
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
Innuendo: Think about it...
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Baby, I'm an American Express lover.... you shouldn't go home without me!
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Can I flirt with you?
Can I please be your slave tonight?
Can I see your tan lines?
Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch?
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
Do you spit or swallow?
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
Ever tried those weird *****ly condoms?
Excuse me, ma'am, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi Laura!" She says, "I'm not Laura!" And you say, as your hand slips a little lower, "But you sure feel like her!"
Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No.) Wink.
God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption.
Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Hi. Are you legal?
Hi. You'll do.
How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
I wonder what our children will look like.
I would kill or die to make love with you.
I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one.
I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
I'd look good on you.
I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
I'm an organ donor, need anything?
I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
I'm leaving this place. Do you want to come?
I've got a condom with your name on it.
I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night?
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?
Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Lie down. I think I love you.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered
you long enough you would cum."
Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
That dress looks great on you... as a matter of fact, so would I.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?
Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
What do you like for breakfast?
When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Will you marry me for just one night?
Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
Would you please come home with me and tie me up...
Ya know, my mother would just love you if I brought you to my place tonight and then to her place tomorrow.
You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
You know, I've always wanted to sleep with you.
You smell wet. Let's Party.
You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off?
I love you, you know.
Hey, kitten. How about spending some of your nine lives with me?
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be grateful?
Have you ever played "Spank the brunette"? Want to try?
Are those lumber jack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.
Girl, yo' so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you!
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
Is your last name Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get.
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hi. Can I domesticate you?
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
"Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" Woman: "What's that?" You: "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight."
I've been a bad boy/ girl,so spank me!
Say Baby do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
You say, "So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?" The reply, "No". You respond, "Well then, let's go to my place and I'll tell you all about it."
Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because everytime I look at you I have swelling "down there"
Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
Let's let only latex stand between our love.
(Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her crotch. Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I know you!
So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod?
Um...I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
If you had some nuts on the wall, would they be walnuts?(yes). If you had some nuts on your chest, would they be chestnuts?(yes) If you had some nuts on your chin, would they be chinnuts?(yes) Hell no, you'd have a dick in your mouth.
Do you like chips? Because if you are "Frito Lay" than I am a barrel of fun!
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
Come over here and get a taste of America's Most Wanted.
Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.
Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?
How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?
Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.
Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
Hey baby, I'd like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.
Hi. I'm a dog and I need to bury my bone.
Lets skip all the bull-**** lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
Do you live on a chicken farm (girl says no) well you sure know how to raise ****s
Excuse me, but you have a "dick for" on your head. [What's a "dick for"?] I'll show you.
Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
Hi, sorry I don't have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .
What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
Pick a number between 1 and 10. **** you lose now take off your clothes.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male)
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
(wiping your face), Oh I'm sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!
Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.
Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let's go to the roof!
Wanna play "kite"? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me.
My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .
I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.
Do you have room in your life for another friend?
Nice pants, can I test the zipper?
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a ****?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?
Could you tell me where they keep the rutabagas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabaga?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
Hi. I'm horny.
Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?
You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What's wrong with my clothing?) They're still on.
(Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
I have not had sex in three years. No matter what you did, kiss me all over, dance for me, or wear provocative outfits, I would not give in. Want to test me?
Hi. I'm like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.
Are you cold? Let me be your electric blacket. Just plug me in and I'll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
Champaine can be tickly, and so can I.
You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?
Do you remember me from the other night? Probably not, because we really hit it off.
Do you believe in Santa Claus? Do you think that if I am good this year, he'll put you in my stocking this year?
You know what they say about guys with big hands. [What] Big latex.
How can I love you if you won't lay down?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me?
My cat has lovely fur. Can I see yours?
You know how I am with dicks? I suck at it.
Do you like anyone else in here? Well, I guess you are stuck with me.
If you were a duck and I were a moose, and we had sex, we'd make a duckmoose, and it would sound like this:[make the wierdest sound you can].
Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.
You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.
What do you think of Bill Clinton? (Answer...) Yeah, me too, but try not to follow that stuff regarding Bill, Hilliary, or Monica. Want a cigar?
Damn, I know you are not on four legs, but you look faster than a cheetah.
You're on my list of things to do tonight.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now." Put ear to watch. "It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh..." Tap watch a few times. "That's the problem... my watch is an hour fast!"
Do you want to go swimming? Damn, there isn't a pool around... But my sheets are blue?
Hi, I'm the reincarnated soul of Tai-Pong, once a starved, naked Buddhist monk. All that isolation is getting to me. Want to get down on your knees and pray?
Come on. We're leaving.
The name is Reese, and you're lookin like someone that would suck on my piece.
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
(Holding your nuts) Do you want "2 CDs" (see these) for a dollar?
Does God know you've escaped from Heaven? Here, come with me to my place. You can stay there until he calls looking for you.
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
Have you ever seen Buttman's Between the Cheeks?" No, well let me demonstrate.
re you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
What's your name? That's a beautiful name. Can I ask you one single, impulsive question? Are you in love at the present moment? I'm not the type of guy to impede on another man's happiness but if the answer is "No" I'd like to continue with my rhapsody. Has anybody ever told you that you glide? (What?) It's a very special quality, every other girl in this place merely plods along but you glide, girls who glide need guys who make them "thump." (What's thump?) You think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you watch the phone waiting for it to ring. Girls who glide need guys who make them "thump," I can make you "thump." Have dinner with me.
I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?
If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.
Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I'll understand if you spit.
Do you have a can opener? My dick is about to pop.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just have me a footlong.
Do you want to see the soles of your feet in the wing mirrors in my car?
Baby, I wanna take my extention cord and stick it all the way into your electrical outlet.
You have beautiful hair. But it could be better. (How?) If it were spread over my pillow.
Wanna feed my beaver some wood?
Hello, I may have just met you but I feel like I have known you all my life and I love you, what hotel room should I reserve?
Hi, do you dissect insects for scientific research? (No, why?) I thought you might want to look inside my fly.
Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; I'll Spread my legs; And you can show me your "power"
I'm sterile
I'll make you shiver when I deliver.
Hello, well-formed Homo sapien specimen. Would you care to depart with me towards my domiciliary residence and observe a documentary of the ontogenesis of another Homo sapien individual just prior to fertilization?
Wanna get down with me like four flat tires?
Did I mention that I'm the only person in the Guiness Book of World's Records actually able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
If you were camping and woke up with a used condom inside you, would you tell anyone? (No) Wanna go Camping?
Let's have a party in your shoes, and then invite your pants.
I'm hungry and I'm on a liquid diet.
I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
Hey. Do you have that Hawiian Disease? What? "Comeoniwannalayya".
I'm like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!
I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let's go to my room and put our pieces together.
You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
What is long and hard, and right behind you?
You remind me of a Twinky: Every time I bite into you, you cream in my mouth."
If I were to send you flowers... No wait, let me rephrase: If I were to let you such on my tongue, would you be grateful?
I'll bet you $10 my dick can't fit into your mouth.
Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a "Do-It-Yourself Shop".
I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! (With whom?) Depends: what are you doing tonight at around 1?
I'm like Domino's Pizza: if you don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
I'm a vegetarian but I'd make an exception for your meat!
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Did you know that Rock and Roll was originally an African American euphimism for sex?" (creepy leering look)
Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?
Puffs can guarantee a good blow. Can you?
Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thighmaster?
I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?
Have you ever been hunting before? (No.) Well then how about you come up to my cabin with me this weekend and I can teach you how to stuff a beaver.
I hear there's a major problem with deforestation in the world today. Why don't we put together your chest and my nuts, and help save the world?
This condem (holding in hand) has your name written on it.
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy.
My vagina is a garden, want to shovel me out?
Dont you think most people who use pickup lines are dipsticks? (Yup) In that case mind if I check your oil level?
Excuse me, ma'am, but I've been over by the bar running some numbers, and I believe that through combining our genes, we could create a faster, stronger, smarter super-soldier for our country. Now, there remains only one way to actually create this super-soldier, but in this time of national emergency, we have all been called upon to exert ourselves to new heights. Therefore, not for me, but for America, the cause of freedom calls upon you to go home with me tonight.
Like the hurricane said to the coconut tree; hold on to your nuts I'm gonna give you the blow of your life.
If you woke up in the woods with a condom in your ass would you tell anybody? Wanna go camping?
You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls all day.
(Blow a kiss and miss on purpose) Oops, I guess I missed, wanna try again, but a little closer?
Who wants a mustache ride?
My name is Haywood. Haywood Jablome(?).
Are you a horse? (No) Can I ride you anyway?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
You know, I do sleep well with others...
Hi, my name is Laura. I don't have a gag reflex.
Can I add a branch to your family tree?
Wanna Lift? Your dick and my spirits.
Do I know you? (No.) That's a shame, I'd sure like to.
What time do you get off? Can I watch?
Been to India? I'll get (it) India.
Do you know anything about real estate? (Grab crotch or breasts) I was just wondering if you could tell me if this is a lot.
I'm on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me? See,I'm trying to find someone. (Who?) Any girl/guy who'll sleep with me.
I have a job for you.... but it blows...
Aren't you the girl/guy who is having sex with that really good looking guy/girl? (No.) Want to be?
Once your finished ****in' with the 10 inchers, come back to me.
My **** ring got stuck. Can you open it with your teeth?
You should stop drinking! (Why?) Because you are driving me home.
Are you a god? (Um, no.) You're not? Then why do I want to kneel before you?
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Are your knees dirty? I don't want to get my floor dirty.
I just got this tan in Hawai'i. Why don't you call me when you want some of this tan to rub off on you.
OH GOD! OH GOD! Just practicing.
Hi. I just need you to know that you can't get pregnant from anal sex.
Trust me. It will only seem kinky the first time.
You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
In another life I think we dated and I dumped you. But I'm thinking that that was a mistake, and now is your second chance!
Excuse me, I'm putting together a list of people with whom I want to have sex, and I'll need the correct spelling of your name.
Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just thought you should know that.
I'd love you like a snowstorm: I'd give you 8 to 10 inches and you wouldn't be able to leave the house for 3 days.
Hi, my name is Joe Bloggs (any name!) Have you heard of me? No? Well let me take you home and fill you in.
So, tell me about yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, your phone number.
Cheese: Squirm All You Like
(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
Do you come here often?
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
Hey...somebody ****ed. Let's get out of here.
Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
How was heaven when you left it?
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
I have only three months to live...
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
Stand still so I can pick you up!
Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
What's that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.
What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?
What's your sign?
Where have you been all my life?
Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Wow.
You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.
You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
[Grab the ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is January 10,1999, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."
"Pinch me." "Why?" "You're so fine I must be dreaming."
Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.
You're daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!"
You're daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bulls eye!
Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!
Ouch! My tooth hurts! Target: "Why?" Because you are soooo sweet!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics i would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing which will win you an all expense paid date with me.
You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
Is your dad a terrorists? Cause you're the bomb.
Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Say, you remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot!
If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
Baby, you are the finest thing in the world. I could put you on a place and sop you up with a biscuit.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.
Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? [Is it really your birthday?] No, but how about a kiss anyway?
What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?"
If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".
(person walks in, and you say And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!!
When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.
I'm good at math. U+I=69
If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
Hi. Your name must be (your car here) because my backseat has it written all over.
Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage?
I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick, want to help me test the claim it won't kiss off?
Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and explain that its a really big river, and the bunny on this side (doesn't matter) really needs to get to the other side. Ask how he does it. Give cute little answers as to why the bunny can't cross the river (ie...bunny jump in river, bunny go *glubglubglub*.) When the person finally asks how the bunny is supposed to get across, give them the cute puppy eyes and say "I don't know, I just wanted to hold your hand."
Mars? This is the advanced recon unit. Good news, I've found a couple of foxes.
Damn! Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb!
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
Do you remember Crayola Crayons? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...Blizzard Blue.
Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample?
Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date?
Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass.
Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
(stand next to the girl) Hey do you think you could ask this girl to give me her name and number? (answerepends on who it is) Okay but keep it quiet because she is standing right next to me.
Hi, my name is Chris. I'm funny, financially stable, and have a very interesting DNA structure.
Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Chirstmas.
(Open and close wallet quickly) Here's my "Fine Arts Connoisseur" diploma. You sure are a masterpiece.
Let's make like a fabric softener and Snuggle(TM)
(while looking at stars) Baby, I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was sitting right next to me.
If you know a person's name: "Hi, [name]." How did you know my name? "Isn't every beautiful girl named that?"
See this pin? I want to ***** you with it to see if you truly do bleed sunshine
You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way
[Pretend to read your hand, do so quite poorly] What is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? (Huh?) [Lower left hand and raise right, read poorly] What's your sign?
Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss my platform.
If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
Good evening. May a thorn sit down amongst the roses?
Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only lovers will leave a footprint on your heart. And you my dear have left one great leap on mine!
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
Do you have a bandaid? Because I just scrapped my knee falling for you.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too!
Giant polar bear (What?) It broke the ice.
(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
Excuse me, does this tequila taste funny? (Hand them an untouched shot)
So, what do you like to do for fun? (Why?) 'Cause I'm gonna ask you out.
Well, I AM telepathic, and i can tell that you love me. Right? (NO!) Damn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
(Talk to her)Did i ever tell you you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be? (Start Singing) I can fly higher than an eagle! (talking) Because (her name) you are the wind beneith my wings.
(close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) It's my breath from when you took it away (open palm while saying this)
Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?
Speak of the devil....or should I say "Angel"?
When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.
I'm here now. What were your other two wishes?
I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
I believe that it was Socrates who opined, "Know thyself." Whelp, I already know myself, how about I get to know you?
I put a drop of tear in the ocean last night for you. And I won't stop loving you until you find that tear drop.
Hey, where did your smile go? (Check back pocket) Here it is!
(Get as close as you can to the other, then stare at his/her lips) Can you feel it? There is some kinda sexual attraction. Can you feel it, too?
Hey baby. You got a jersey? (A jersey?...What for?) Because I need your name and number
Hi, I'm astronomer and I've been sent by the department to examine a heavenly body named XGY8... 6... 9'er... Er, wait. That heavenly body is you!
You be the biscuits and I’ll be the gravy, let us do breakfast sometime.
The Response Is Likely To Be One Word - WHAT?????
(leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
Are we related? Do you want to be?
Can you say Constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.
Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. (laugh profusely)
Do you know how to use a whip?
Drop 'em!
Excuse me, do you live around here often?
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'...
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I'm drunk.
I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
Like the look of your crotch.
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
Say, did we go to different schools together?
That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.
What's a **** like you doing in a classy joint like this??
Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!
Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
Would you like to dance or should I go **** myself again?
Would you like to see me naked ??
Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me ofmyself?
You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
You are so fine that I'd eat your **** just to see where it came from.
You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
You know what I like about you? My arms.
You know, I'd really love to **** your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.
You know, my mother says you have the smoothest complexion of anyone she knows.
You look just like my mother.
You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
You remind me of a girl I used to date.
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.
Your name is Laura, huh? Can I call you Laura? Really, what time?
Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them to?
I'd walk a million miles over broken glass just to meet the guy that ****ed you last.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Excuse me , she says "Uh huh", do you have any Grey Poupon? no? well we can still get the sandwich action going on baby....
hey baby, can i feel your Ginsana? (No.) Wanna feel mine?
Do you like clocks? (Yes.) Put two hands and a face on this. (Point down)
Do you like chocolate? (Yes.) You can have my bar.
Beer is the root of all evil. Give me a beer. I'm a WICKED root!
Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?
I'm an iceberg on a summer's day in South Carolina.
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!!
Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would flip the M and W (double you).
If belly buttons were a status symbol, then baby you would be God.
Have you ever seen a tree branch? [Girl] Yes. [Guy] How about a root?
I have four words for you "Hol I Day Inn".
I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.
Is your name Brandy? Because your the best liqueur I have ever had.
Does an elephant taking a **** make you want to **** everything around you?
Do you want a worm-do? (Whats a worm do?) It does this..(Move your finger like a worm~~~~~~)
I'd call this puppy love but I'm not into all those new positions.
Wow, your eyebrows are thick.
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
Are you an Emerson? Because those are some nice tits!
You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can't stop ya.
Your hair is so soft. Do you use Paul Mitchell products?
You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
(if your name is Dan) Did you know my name backwards is "Nad"?
Hey baby, I think you made my two by four into a four by eight.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we'll see what rises!
Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Buy me a beer, will ya hon?
You look like my mommy. I like my mommy.
What the hell are you looking at?
(go up to a table and whip it out) Charlie!! Anyone you recognize?
Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Kablaam"?
Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
Someone vacuum my lap, I think you need a clean place to sit.
Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?
I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside..
If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?
Do you have a license for that wagon you're draggin'?
Were you staring at my crotch?
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?
You can stand next to me as long as you don't talk about the heat.
Hey, you've got a lawyer's ass. Yip, it's firm.
So, are you a Skinner or a ****er?
Like Motel 6, I'll leave the light on for you.
Can I ASS you a question?
You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
*****, you without me is like Harry Melvin without Bluenotes: You'll never go platinum.
o you like to drink through straws?
Hi, my name is Peter. Wanna find out why?
Ever seen the movie "Fear"?
What color is your ****?
If you were the alphabet, I'd place you under "O"!
I cannot believe what a complete **** you are.
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? (No.) Well, I don't, so let's go.
Are you an oscillating fan? 'Cause your phone is ringing.
Hey *****es!!! Free Cociane!!
How do you know that I'm not loving you now?
Do you know that the Edmonton Oilers haven't won the Stanley Cup for a while now.
Will you be my christmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.
Your eyes remind me of diamonds, because diamonds are expensive, and so are eye replacements, and baby- you need eye replacements.
Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel.
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Would you like to shake hands with beef?
I'm not a chef or a dancer, but I can pop cherries
I treat a ***** like seven up, I never have, I never will.
Excuse me, but why is your moose drinking my cheese?
How do you make a chicken run? Hold on, and I'll have my little brother show you.
You'd make a bishop kick out a stained-glass window.
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
Have you ever wondered what a vaginal blood **** smelt like?(No) Cool....me neither.
Are you cold? (Yes) You want a jacket? (Sure) Well, not here, you can jack it when you get back to my room.
In Venezuela only real men have big mustaches.
Baby I've got one- help me make it two!
Here, you take my lollypop and I'll improvise...
Hi my name is _____! Can I pee in your butt?
Hey sexy. I like shoelaces, bow-ties, and motorized wheelchairs. Wanna go back to my place and use all three?
If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?
If you were the Virgin Mary, could I bless you?
Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?
What's wrong with the chics in here? They just don't like gorgeous guys anymore...
If I look the way you look when you walk, I'd walk everywhere I went.
One day there was a bird. This was a magical bird that sang all day. It had many jolly frolicking happy prancing friends that sang songs of joy and happiness. Whenever they flew by the flowers they became happy too. Then everything died. Now doesn't that just turn you on?
If you have oral-sex with your own clone,would that be called masturbation?
So....I heard you wanted to fight me.
Are those shoes, cause that is a cool calender!
I just **** in my pants. Can I get into yours?
People say that masturbating will make you go blind, if that were true, not only would i be blind, but my seeing eyedog would have vision problems.
Hi, I was just wondering? Do you wipe front-to-back or back-to-front?
Oak tree leaves are green in the fall and your pants are red in the hall.
Are you gay? Cause if you are, I just got castrated!
Can I get you a cold banana?
Ya know, if Ivanna Trump married Neil Diamond, she'd be Ivanna Diamond. And if Ivanna Trump married Chris Rock, she'd be Ivanna Rock. If Ivanna Trump Married Tom Cruise, she'd be Ivanna Cruise.
I once knew a squirrel named Marvin. God your hot. Marvin is in Africa now.
Excuse me, are you well protected?
Hey baby, everything I'm going to do to you tonight I learned at SeaWorld.
You can’t be first, but you could be next.
What's the difference between the stay puff marshmallow man and a stay-puff marshmallow? The marshmallow will fit in your vagina.
I have a cat. She would really like to meet you.
Tuesday is coming! Did you bring your coat?
Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!
So, do you like turtles?
Driving and my penis...they are both hard for you.
You, Me, and a midget makes three.
You remind me of my cousin. (How?) I want to **** you so bad, but I know that I can't.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a clown.
Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?
You know, its girls like you that make me wish I were a lesbian.
I wana spank you with a sack of kidney beans while you cover yourself in whip cream and let a horny duck named jeff lick it off you.
I didn't know that Miss America used to live right here.
Ok, I think that'll do it for now....
Hmmm, I think I may have beaten my record for the longest post with this one as well.
Don't just jump to the end and go lol either... This thread took me well over 2hrs to put together for you. (I had about 25,000 but I think i'd have killed my computer before getting quite that far)
"I'll show you my dragon slayer if you show me your scabbard."
"Baby, if you're with me no-one will ever touch you... I'm a level 58 elven wizzard."
"I've got a 20+ stamina necklace on, just for you babe."
"I just drank a potion of elongation, so I'd get it while the goings good."
*In full medevil armour* "You think this is impressive babe, you should come back to my place and take a look at my bedroom"
"Are you carrying an enchant scroll? Because you certainly look enchanting to me."
"Fancy coming back to my place to... pvp?"
"I've got a staff of power in my pocket with your name on it."
It truley is a mystery of life how I still can't get laid, eh?
Do you believe in love at first sight…or shall I walk past again?
I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
You're like a parking ticket. You've got fine written all over you....
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
My bed is broken, can I use yours?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
HIM: "You look just like my first wife"
HER: "How many times have you been married?"
HIM: "Never".
"My friends over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"
"Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?"
Help the homeless – take me home with you.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Do I know you? (No.) That's a shame, I'd like to.
So, tell me about yourself; your dreams, your ambitions, your phone number.
Do you see my friend over there? (Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar). He wants to know if you think I'm cute.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Guy: Are your parents terrorists?
Girl: No, why?
Guy: Because baby you're the BOMB!
Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Those are nice jeans you have on... but you know they'd look even better crumpled up on the floor beside my bed.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you
"Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!"
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Hi I'm Mr Right, I've heard that you've looking for me...
"Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend? "
What are your measurements? I need them for the lotto as I know you're a winner and I want to be one too...
10 ton polar bear. If that doesn't break the ice, nothing will.
Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
Hi, my name’s Fred Flintstone, and I’m gonna make your Bedrock!
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.
My face is leaving in 10 minutes, you'd better be on it?
Was your father a thief? Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Legs is the word of the day. Let's go back to your place and spread the word.
Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Do you mind if I do?
You don't sweat much for a fat lass
I think a few may be repeated but then Det woulda made 99% fall asleep with the length of his chatup. Hope you have enough money to buy a nightful of drinks
Need A Chat Up Line?
And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!!
epends on who it is) Okay but keep it quiet because she is standing right next to me.
(I had about 25,000 but I think i'd have killed my computer before getting quite that far)
.gif "Innocent Whistle")
- *grabs dowell fluffy +6 to beat of Yadz with*
Linear Mode
