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Was I right or wrong? Was I right or wrong?

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Old 14-12-2003, 05:37   #1 (permalink)
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Default Was I right or wrong?
Hi, I had this conversation with a "friend" a few days ago. A few of you might remember watching Eastenders and hearing about Little Mo being raped. Anyway me and a friend had a conversation about it and as a result I ended the friendship after what he said.

It's going to be WW3 at uni on monday because I have to work with the dick and a few of my friends I urged me to make up with him for the sake of uni and since he apologised but what he said in my eyes was unforgivable (plus I don;t think he meant the apologly and he has been arguing to friends behind my back that I am in the wrong)

Was I right or in the wrong for my stance (my stance being he should be shot)

Here's the convo that we had from msn, I'm called "hmph" as I'm depressed with uni work and he's called "dan"



hmph says:
you seen Eastenders?
Dan says:
watching it now
hmph says:
it's well ****ed up
Dan says:
yeah i know, this bird is fit mate and shes up for me
hmph says:
yeah
hmph says:
why do women not tell people about it, they're so ****ed up
Dan says:
mate these women love being raped, at the end of the day they get **** without committment
hmph says:
shutup arsehole
Dan says:
who?
hmph says:
u
Dan says:
na its true mate
hmph says:
that's me and you finished, you're such a sick *******
Dan says:
haha
hmph says:
I've known people who have been raped and commited suicide and you say that
hmph says:
Dan we ALL slag you off behind your back, you're a ****
Dan says:
haha
hmph says:
whatever dickhead
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Old 14-12-2003, 05:45   #2 (permalink)
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sounds like you both belong in nursery

tbh I'd have just laughed and called him ****ed up, but he does sound like a 12 year old. Doesn't sound like you were best of friends anyway seeing as you blurted out 'shutup arsehole'

If he was joking, it'd have been a really funny line, but I assume he wasn't joking lol, or he's just winding you up.

He's obviously a tard tho, so just forget it and blank him or something.

or if he carries on, i'll bring the boys round

oh and btw they don't tell people..well..think about it. if you'd been raped..would you feel comfy admitting it? Admitting that you were forced to have sex with someone without consent? You'd be embarassed and ashamed..no dignity..etc etc..thats prolly why.
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Old 14-12-2003, 05:49   #3 (permalink)
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People pass insensitive comments all the time and rarely ever mean it.

Of course if he had any idea what it was like to be raped then he would never ever suggest anyone actually likes it. In any case it would be considered consensual sex by that point.

It sounds to me that he was trying to shock you and it succeeded, and if the guy was really a good friend of yours then you went way over the top with your reaction. Simply telling him he was a prat for saying something like that, and asking him to keep opinions like that to himself should be sufficient.
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Old 14-12-2003, 05:50   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sanitarium
oh and btw they don't tell people..well..think about it. if you'd been raped..would you feel comfy admitting it? Admitting that you were forced to have sex with someone without consent? You'd be embarassed and ashamed..no dignity..etc etc..thats prolly why.
oh yeah there is always that argument but I don't want this thread side tracked by that although I totally agree with you. If women don't report it though it is higly likely the person will do it again.
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Old 14-12-2003, 05:53   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by marie
It sounds to me that he was trying to shock you and it succeeded, and if the guy was really a good friend of yours then you went way over the top with your reaction. Simply telling him he was a prat for saying something like that, and asking him to keep opinions like that to himself should be sufficient.
I appriciate your comments and yes they can be applied to what he said at first, but him lauging when I told him I knew someone who had been raped and committed suicide as a result? that's not a sense of humour that's disgusting and tbh he belong son the sex ofenders list as he is most likely to cause offense when he's older
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Old 14-12-2003, 06:09   #6 (permalink)
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No, that is called ignorance and as I said before, he is simply trying to shock people with his comments and attitude.

Just because he says that kind of thing doesn't mean he won't instantly regret it the second a female friend of his gets raped (theoretically)

He doesn't actually mean it, it sounds to me like he just enjoys winding people up about it, especially you because you react this way.
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Old 14-12-2003, 06:20   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by marie
He doesn't actually mean it, it sounds to me like he just enjoys winding people up about it, especially you because you react this way.
but surely that doesn't mean that I should forgive him? forgive me if I'm in the wrong but it sounds like you're in the same situation that youre trying to claim that he is in i.e. you haven't had someone close to you raped

Sorry but that's not ignorance. You don't need someone closs to you to be raped to think that it's wrong, and Marie how can you defend him, when I said "I know someone who got raped and committed suicide as a result" and he laughed!!!

Ignorance doesn't come into it, it's common sense that that's wrong.
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Old 14-12-2003, 06:34   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was I right or wrong?
Quote:
Originally posted by Osborne
Dan says:
mate these women love being raped

That line right there makes him deserve a good ****ting.

Even so, its your friend, it should of gone a little further than 'ok i dont like what you said, the friendship is over'

Friends are able to talk through things like this. Maybe you acted a little too harsh-ly (is that a word ?)....and maybe (definatly in my mind) he was out of line for saying what he did.

I know if he said that to me, id give him a slap, but i wouldn't stop speaking to him over it.
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Old 14-12-2003, 09:20   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Osborne

hmph says:
Dan we ALL slag you off behind your back, you're a ****
Dan says:
haha
hmph says:
whatever dickhead
You were wrong.

Regardless of what he said , and he might of been way off with the comment. But to say that you slag the guy off behind is back is bull****.

from my point of view you both look like assholes from the convo.
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Old 14-12-2003, 09:50   #10 (permalink)
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tbh i think u may have jumped the gun a bit >..<

i read the start of ur post, then the start of the convo and thought, hmm this is gonna go on for a while and lead up to a good reason to end a friendship, but it was like:

1 out of line comment
friendship over >.<

although, i dont actually know anyone whos been raped, so maybe i would have reacted in the same way as u if i did.

i've got to agree with this:

Quote:
People pass insensitive comments all the time and rarely ever mean it.
i did it the other day. me and a mate were leaving a lab, and there were these 2 girls left in there, 1 of them said jokingly

"are you going to leave us 2 girls alone in here, we might get raped"

to which i replied "lucky you". now i didnt mean that, they reacted with shocked faces and then laughed, it depends who ur talking to as to how they'll react. if they'd reacted with a rant about how nasty it is to be raped etc. etc i would have apologised. but if they had had that opinion they wouldnt have said what they said to us in the first place.

but clearly i wouldnt say something like that to a person i know wouldnt like it, and maybe ur friend didnt really know how u'd react to it. maybe giving him time to apologise would have been sufficient.

dont hurt me Os >..<

edit - although it seems to me you didnt like the guy before the convo, unless you were lieing about talking about him behind his back. maybe the issue wasnt the rape, maybe you just wanted to end the friendship o.O
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Old 14-12-2003, 11:02   #11 (permalink)
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i think you were slightly out of line there os. It was an awful thing what he said and i know exactly where you're coming from, but maybe you should just talk to him and question him about why he said that. Reach an understanding if you valued your friendship, if you didn't then who cares? Its over now anyway.
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Old 14-12-2003, 12:27   #12 (permalink)
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After the convo he sent and email out to all of his friends including me that his computer has crashed and he's lost all his coursework. We all know that's BS as he literally hadn't done anything. He's simply after sympathy and we all know this.

Also he said sorry over the phone, but in a sarcastic way and apparently has been slagging me off behind my back and saying he hadn't done anything wrong.

I can't understand why you lot are picking up on the line where he said women love being raped, that can be excused as a sick joke although to me that's enough for me to be put off someone.

However it's the fact that he laughed when I told him I knew someone who had been raped an committed suicide as a result. The "haha" comment by him wasn't aimed at the "we all slag you off behind your back" because he was typing something himself (can tell from msn) before I said that and are msgs appeared both at the same time, mine came up first.

As for what peanut said, there is more to this than just this convo, it's fair to say we're not exactly backfriends, sometimes he can be a good friend but most of the time he's a arse, he loves winding people up, slagging them off behind their back and then being all pally to their face. Basically he's not worth the hassel and it's only because of uni that I still speak to the guy.

My r/l friends reaction has been totally different from what you lot have said, true they know the guy who I'm talking about but I can't understand why you've taken the view that I'm in the wrong? and yes I've read all your replies :prrr:
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Old 14-12-2003, 12:43   #13 (permalink)
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well oz, i dont know the hiistory with you two..im just going by what happend in that convo. I'm not saying it was some kind of sick joke, but it might not be somthing to go throwing a friendship out over so quickly.

But if the guy wasnt really a friend anyway, i guess it doesnt really matter?
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Old 14-12-2003, 12:48   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Peanut
well oz, i dont know the hiistory with you two..im just going by what happend in that convo. I'm not saying it was some kind of sick joke, but it might not be somthing to go throwing a friendship out over so quickly.

But if the guy wasnt really a friend anyway, i guess it doesnt really matter?
yeah true I appriciate you guys can't fully comment on the situation, but surely you'd be put off someone if they actually said that too you?

I'd say before this we were friends yes but we had fallen out before and I've thought many times he's not worth the hassel. A friend but not a good friend
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Old 14-12-2003, 13:18   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Osborne
yeah true I appriciate you guys can't fully comment on the situation, but surely you'd be put off someone if they actually said that too you?

I'd say before this we were friends yes but we had fallen out before and I've thought many times he's not worth the hassel. A friend but not a good friend
of course it would but i think what most people were commenting on is the way you reacted. It just seemed immature from both parties, if it was civilised then i think people would have acted differently.
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Old 14-12-2003, 13:26   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Claz
It just seemed immature from both parties, if it was civilised then i think people would have acted differently.
It's hard to be civilised with someone like that. No-offence but I feel as though I'm talking to a brick wall, I said "I knew someone who had been raped and committed suicide as a result" and he laughed, how can anyone defend that? you don't need to know him to know that was a messed up thing to do
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Old 14-12-2003, 13:37   #17 (permalink)
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People can only comment on what they perceive to be two good friends falling out (why else would you post about it if he wasn't a good friend?)

If he did all that afterwards then it's up to you whether he's good enough to be your friend any more. Sounds to me like you have communication issues.
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Old 14-12-2003, 13:45   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Re: Was I right or wrong?
Quote:
Originally posted by Peanut
You were wrong.

Regardless of what he said , and he might of been way off with the comment. But to say that you slag the guy off behind is back is bull****.

from my point of view you both look like assholes from the convo.
word.
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Old 14-12-2003, 14:18   #19 (permalink)
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lol i will post you a extreamly sad and pathetic person who i had a convo on my msn.

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
dude, Im here to say bye bye to you

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
why?

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
ummm well thanks for the talks we once had

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
where you going?

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
no where, its just we dont talk anymore so... we might aswell delete each other off from the lists

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
ok if ya gonna be petty about it

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
its got nothing to do with that

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
if I write you, you dont answer me... thats all... just cleaning out my contact list

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
loads of other guys are going down the drain aswell

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
so i am getting deleted for been a busy person

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
if you are busy why the **** dont you SET your MSN on "busy"

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I dont write people who are on busy...

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
no need for the language is there

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
anyways, I dont think anyone of us are really interested in talking to each other anymore

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
and setting my msn to a different status is usually at the bottom of my list

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I would... but its not like you show any interest

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
well booohooo

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
nevermind, you wont cry

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I wont cry

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
thanx for this interesting and mature goodbye but im of out now

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
well have a nice life, and good luck in the future then

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
[/sarcasm]

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I got that

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
its just a msn list would not hurt to leave people on it

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
but no i forget its like the end of the world

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
gasp

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
oh shut up

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
its not like you ever brought anything good

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
lol

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
false hope to the mentally ill dane

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
YAY hurra

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
you said it

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I know I did

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I deleted you, so do the same or whatever I couldnt care less

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
britts are just americans anyways

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
and americans suck

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
yeah cause these insults show how much growing up you need to do

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I am not grown up

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I never will

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
and all i have done is not reply on msn

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I wanna be stupid and immature and hopefully I'll die soon cause Im not mature enough to drive a car

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
or I drive while Im high

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
see you expect to bring up a child one day with that attitude

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
you expect to bring up a child with YOUR attitude?

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
Ohhh daddy's busy

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
"nooo cant come right now"

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
you dont even ****ing know me

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I've just taken care of my cousin's son Magnus for 1 month
- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
a child is a little more important than msn and ive bought up a child already thankyou

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
cause they were on Hawaii

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
and you know what he is fine,

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
1 years old and just fine after being with me

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
who you trying to prove it to? me or yourself

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I know whats its like to bring up a child but do you know what its like to be left alone without a parent?

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
no you dont

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
and you wont have a steady relationsship cause your pattern is ignoring people

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
and yet again you would know how?

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I WOULD know how

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I dont have a mother anymore remember?

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
no you dont

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
cause you never gave a **** about anyone but yourself(this line is funny because how would she know cause i never talk yop her)

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
people die everyday

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
yeah... they're luckier than me

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
i have been there

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
ohhh I've been there boooho

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
so dont pretend ya all out of luck and no one feels what you feel

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
you think you've got such a tough life dont you?

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
your just a typical depressive teenager

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I KNOW people feel what I feel

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
I have a ****ing shrink telling me Im not

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
one day when you get a grip

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
one day you'll get a grip

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
LISTEN TO ME

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
and realise that msn isnt your world

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
ok bye bye

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
MSN is not my world

- Johnny Park - Don't **** with the Jedi Master, son. says:
lol
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Old 14-12-2003, 14:18   #20 (permalink)
Name, Title, Location Revan
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~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
its not me who's online when Im busy!

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
Im blocking

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
never want to see your stupid wanna be american face again

~sweet baby blue, a whole wide world that longs to see you~ til Magnus~ dig englebarn says:
asshole


lol i love msn sometimes, you get the weirdest people, all i did was not set my msn to busy or away.


PS. sorry about it been sooo long.
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