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jerrodd · 25-07-2003, 00:47

(note, I did not write this, I just found it sadly interesting...)

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH, The White House, USA

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for Congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I was AWOL from Texas Air National Guard and deserted the military
during a time of war.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the
company went bankrupt, but not until shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs.

With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas
the most polluted state in the Union, replacing Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog - ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for most executions ordered by any Governor in
American history.

I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes, with the help of my brother's Secretary of State and State Supreme Court, and my father's appointments to the US Supreme Court.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries.

I spent the surplus and bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

On my watch the record for the biggest annual deficit in history was shattered and the record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period was set.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a
criminal record and I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

In my first year in office, I set the all-time record for most days
on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire
month ofAugust off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history as the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market was set.

I set the record for more campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any
president in US history.

I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

The all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period was
set.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

I set the record for the fewest number of press conferences by any
president since the advent of television.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution
than has any president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused
to intervene when corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused
to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than has any president in US history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US
history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).

I am the first president in US history under whom all 50 states of
the Union have gone bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any
market in any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and
military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the
history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than did any president in US history.

I am the first president in US history under whom the United Nations removed the US from the human rights commission.

I am the first president in US history under whom the United Nations removed the US from the elections monitoring board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US
history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew the United States from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to prisoners of war and by
default no longer abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than has any president
in US history.

I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under
attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

I accepted the most widespread world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

I, with a policy of 'disengagement', allowed the creation of the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the
people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I am the first US president in history under whom the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who
violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the
leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully
prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any
other president in US history.

In a little over two years I created the most divided country in
decades, possibly the most divided the US has been since the Vietnam war.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas
driving record has been erased and is not available).

I refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug
use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James
Baker.(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war profiteering.)

25-07-2003, 00:47	#1 (permalink)
Name, Title, Location jerrodd I'm 1337 GRRRRRRR good question United_States Posts1,105 Karma Pu-918.94	George Bush's resume (note, I did not write this, I just found it sadly interesting...) RESUME GEORGE W. BUSH, The White House, USA PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for Congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. I was AWOL from Texas Air National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt, but not until shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs. With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. ACCOMPLISHMENTS: I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union, replacing Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog - ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for most executions ordered by any Governor in American history. I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my brother's Secretary of State and State Supreme Court, and my father's appointments to the US Supreme Court. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I attacked and took over two countries. I spent the surplus and bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. On my watch the record for the biggest annual deficit in history was shattered and the record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period was set. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record and I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. In my first year in office, I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire month ofAugust off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history as the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market was set. I set the record for more campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president in US history. I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. The all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period was set. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. I set the record for the fewest number of press conferences by any president since the advent of television. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than has any president in US history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I dissolved more international treaties than has any president in US history. My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her). I am the first president in US history under whom all 50 states of the Union have gone bankrupt. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community. I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than did any president in US history. I am the first president in US history under whom the United Nations removed the US from the human rights commission. I am the first president in US history under whom the United Nations removed the US from the elections monitoring board. I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I withdrew the United States from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections). I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). I spent more money on polls and focus groups than has any president in US history. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. I accepted the most widespread world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). I, with a policy of 'disengagement', allowed the creation of the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. I am the first US president in history under whom the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea. I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has been since the Vietnam war. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available). I refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker.(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war profiteering.)

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